Relationship and Commitment Issues Community Area
Relationship / Commitment Community Index
"I have recently discovered finally that I am truly a full fledged committment phobic person in EVERY aspect of my life! Just recognizing this and realizing that this is a legit phobia has helped me to being a kind of healing and moving on process.
For YEARS I would chase romantic pursuits and I would be thrilled at the chase, but as soon as the chase ended and things potentially became serious I would freak out and do my best to sabotoge the relationship-almost always ending it in the worst way possible.
Most of my "relationships" that have worked have worked because they weren't definite, they weren't with people who were "available." This was fun and exciting and I was actually hurt when the other people ended it, but in hidsight I realize this wasn't the most healthy thing for me.
At first I tossed it off that it was just because I was a gay man, however I now know this is not the case. I have a rather unconventional artistic career (I'm an opera singer)...and as a young performer I recently made a big move to a huge city. I decided it was time to move from what I had known for seven years and not settle.
Even in this big city I was scared of getting stuck, scared of being there forever, scared of taking on a day job because I might be stuck in it for always. I irrationally left the big city-hurting many people I left behind. When I send out resumes and letters I am fine...but when I get the actual call for an interview or something there is a halt in my body that happens and for some reason I don't want to call the person back--I have lost interest and become completely afraid.
Afraid of the job, the interview, and more importantly the perspective "permanancy" that comes with it--because I'm afraid I wont be able to get back into what I love doing. But reality says..."you need a good day job to support yourself." It's very true.
So I believe the first step for me has been recognizing that I really am committment phobic...I have begun to continually tell myself that NOTHING is permanent--life really isn't permanent..it's always changing.
The earth is in constant rotation. I tell myself that if I get a job then I always have the choice to leave-I'm NEVER stuck. I can still do what I want to do. Also in relationships it will be the same thing. I am also planning on seeing a therapist again once I start working.
I would love to know more about this and hear from others who have the same thing and find out how they are dealing with it because for me it has been debilitating lately."
Justin
Relationship / Commitment Community Index
