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"My boyfriend and I, have been going together for 5 yrs now. Rocky relationship indeed, but we stayed together through some very rough times. Many things came in between us, that were the outer causes of some of our issues.
But our main issue was insecurities and jealousy (his mostly) of time away from each other. But when we spent time together, each weekend and some nights during the week, we both were comfortable with each other, and through the yrs began to really Love the other, in ways that is hard to describe.
My BF is 25 yrs older than I, but I grew to love and care and most importantly understand his ways. He has his issues, and I have mine. I tried to forgive and understand and just love him for him. He has not been there for me like this but this I believe is part of his phobia. He would push me away, almost every week. Then look to spend the weekend with me.
We would have an excellent time together over the weekends, then repeat the pushing away during the week. I can not get close to him, he can not feel the love, without pushing away and in his own way, sabataging our relationship. After 5 yrs, I wanted to know if we were going any where.
My son would be off to College and i wanted to grow in a relationship to have someone in my life that I gave up, to raise a child. No matter how much I try, he will not move us forward. I was so hurt, I moved away. He now is feeling the lose. He says he loves, and he misses but he will not move forward.
Has many excuses, but nothing of solid grounds. If negative he felt, he would not be able to say he loves and he missses. I am not looking for marriage per say, but I would like us to move into together. Now that I moved away, (altho he is retired, he is unwilling to at least come live with me for a trial period) I am also having trouble having him agree to at least show love, and let it keep within. He is just determine to push away, hurt each of us, rather than to let and believe in the love we have for each other.
I know I deserve love and committment which is what brought me to move away from him. I dont deserve the pushing away all the time, so much energy to keep it. He states I should have stayed to give us more time. More time for what.....??? He has no answer..
I dont take it personally, although his acts are negative towards me, but I do realize and understand the issue is within him. As even though he has hurt me and done me wrong, I know in my heart what I feel and I try to forgive and understand as partners should do.
I have a feeling I will adventually let go completly, as this is truly just too much work one should have to go through. But I would like to know for myself that I gave it my all."
Julie
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